Reflections on Motherhood

During my journey through parenthood I've read so many books, considered so many opinions and pondered and prayed deeply about how to be the best Mom that I can be.  I have always felt that I wanted to keep my kids close to home.  When other Moms were sending their kids off to preschool,  I felt the Lord telling me to keep them close.  So, I started a little Joy School group.  I loved Joy School and loved teaching my kids and having a community of Moms who enjoyed teaching their kids at home,  It was a fun time in my life of being a Mom.



.... Then my oldest son went to school.  My heart ached and longed to be with him,  but I thought every kid has to go to school and Mom's just need to get over it.  So,  I tried to enjoy my other 2 kids at home while my oldest was at school.  We had a great time,  but,  then he would come home and have sports and I thought,  oh,  but I want him to have time to play at home and to read to him.  I tried the best I could while he was on break,  but then of course he wasn't used to being at home anymore,  so we had to go places all of the time and have playdates.  I still kept on thinking,  but when does he have time to play and just hang out with his siblings.  But,  I followed the norm,  thinking this is what I had to do.

Then my second daughter went to school.  I was so sad,  and missed her so much,  but thought,  this is what I have to do right?  Then she didn't want to go to school and she wanted to stay home.  I longed to keep her at home and sometimes I did.  But, then she was falling behind in school and she loved to color and her teacher said, "  she takes too much time coloring,  she needs to spend more time doing worksheets."  Her teacher sent me home with packets telling me that she needed to do extra homework at night in order to stay caught up.  I complied, an we did homework and dreaded every minute of it.  This was all when my little girl was 6 years old.

Then,  my 3 year old boy had speech delay and I took him to get tested.  The school district said he didn't know his colors at 3, he couldn't talk and so he has to do 4 days a week preschool at the school.  Remember,  I wanted to teach my kids at least when they were little,  but now,  I had to keep them caught up in the system.   I felt that I was being told if your kids aren't doing this and this by this age,  they are going to fail in life.  There isn't time for them to be kids,  they have to stay caught up with everyone else.  This didn't feel right to me,  I felt there was so much more to childhood than drilling and homework and tests.

Finally,  my oldest son came home crying from 3rd grade saying that his head hurt from being in the computer lab all day taking a weeks worth of tests,  I said,  "  this is not what I want".....  so,  " I said,  we're not doing any of it anymore.  We are going to come home all of us.  My kids are going to learn to be together,  we are going to spend time together as a family and I am going to teach my kids,  not the school district,  not some teacher that doesn't know them or care about them as much as I do.  and I told my husband,  which was the hardest thing in the world.  Because I knew he considered it to be pretty strange,  he didn't want our kids to be wierd.  But,  my heart and the Lord told me this is what I needed to do.  My husband told me "I know you will be a great teacher to our kids."  That gave me a lot of confidence,  but now what to do.....

I have never done this before,  I was worried how they were going to grow up and fit in with society and how was I going to teach them.  They aren't very good at listening to me, and how do I do this?   Well,  I found great curriculums and tons of ideas,  but really what I needed to know was how not what to do.  I found "A Thomas Jefferson Education", by Oliver Demille and read it and loved it,  but heard and read negative reviews and thought that's not for me.  I still did not understand how to do this thing called homeschooling.

Then after my first year of homeschooling I was having a baby and in so much pain.  I still did not understand how to do this,  so called homeschooling,  but I just felt  this is what I must do,  I could see the big picture and knew where I wanted to be,  not how to get there.

So, in my second year of homeschooling I set out bound and determined to figure this out.  How am I going to do this?  I signed myself up for A Thomas Jefferson Education Facebook group to get ideas and tips from Moms who have homeschooled their kids and who have raised their kids to not only be educated, but whole individuals,  kids who have strong testimonies, are hard workers,  know how to socialize,  have strong families and love to learn.  This is what I discovered....  This book..... is the ultimate handbook for raising kids.  It's not about homeschooling,  but it's about research and a compilation of ideas and things that have helped families to raise successful children and it's not do this or else they won't turn out successful,  or it's not homeschool them this way or they won't turn out great.  It's about why our modern education system is failing and what we as parents can do to fix it in our homes whether we homeschool or not.  I truly believe that if we follow our kids developmental patterns and listen to our kids and trust that the Lord knows what he needs of them we will be led to know what to do for them.  I am so grateful for this book and for the things that it has helped me understand that I would never had understood if I had not decided to homeschool.  The next few posts will be about ways that we have implemented "Leadership Education"  in our home.

Dumbing Us Down by John Taylor Ghatto

            "  In  my language,  I'd like to see us educate the soul not just the mind." 
 " People say that the  word "educate"  means to  "draw out" a person's potential.  
But I like the "duc" part in the middle of it.  To be educated is to become a duke,
 a leader, a person of stature and color, a  presence and character." (Forward by Thomas Moore)

Now on to the really good stuff:
The following quotes were taken from a speech that John Taylor Ghatto gave in New York City in 1990 when he was being named the New York City Teacher of The Year.
REAL

"Two institutions control our children's lives "television and schooling", in that order.

"In centuries past, the time of childhood and adolescence would have been occupied in real work, real charity, real adventures and the realistic search for mentors who might teach what you really wanted to learn."

I noticed this word REAL used many times and couldn't help but think,  this is what I want is something REAL.  Don't get me wrong I don't absolutely despise TV or School.  I actually love both for the good that they offer,  but I want something more for myself and for my kids,  I want something REAL.  Hence we have chickens,  we spend time taking treats to neighbors,  inviting friends over for dinner and planting gardens all in the pursuit of something REAL.  I truly believe many children in our world are being brought up in a virtual world and I am bound and determined to bring my kids up in a real world.  

TIME

"Out of the 168 hours in a week,  my children sleep 56.  That leaves them 112 hours a week of which to fashion a self.  According to recent reports children watch 55 hours of television per week (or playing video games I might add),  then that leaves them 57 hours a week with which to grow up.  My children attend school 30 hours a week and use 8 hours getting ready for school and travelling to school and 7 hours to do homework-  that is a total of 45 hours.  During that time they are under constant surveillance.  They have no private time, private space and that leaves them 12 hours a week to create a unique consciousness.  Then of course they eat and that takes time, so they have about 9 hours per week of private time."  

This really struck me and this is one of the reasons I felt so strongly about keeping my kids home.  I felt they needed more time to be themselves.   

In closing his speech he said:

"It's Time for a return to democracy, individuality and Family."

I would like to quote this entire book,  but I have to say that this book opened my eyes to things I already knew and reaffirmed many of the beliefs that I already have.  I am glad that I read this book and was given a new perspective on childhood and how important it is to preserve childhood.  It is true that you will only be a kid once and an adult forever.  

Samantha (American Girl)

I interviewed my daughter and she wanted me to recommend this book to all girls who are kind.  My daughters favorite part was when Samantha gave up her favorite doll for her friend who was poor and had never had a doll before. Samantha was a girl who cared about others.  She lived in 1904.  It's fun to see what it was like to live in 1904.  Her friend had to go to an orphanage in New York.  She snuck into the orphanage to rescue Nellie and her sisters and hid them in her house.  Nellie went to a factory to work and had to help support her sisters.   In the end  Samantha's family ended up adopting Nellie and her sisters to be a part of her family.  This was a really awesome book and it was fun to see the movie as well.  Read it!!!

James and The Giant Peach by Roald Dahl

My daughter just finished reading this book.  She loved it.  I love it when I see my kids thoroughly enjoying a good book.  So far, we love Roald Dahl. I Interviewed my daughter and this is what she said:

"My favorite part of this book was when James became famous and when the peach was on the top of the empire state building. James was in a parade and gave all the kids a piece of his peach.  He ended up living in the seed of the giant peach in the middle of New York.  I recommend this book to everyone who wants to read an amazing book."  

Maria Montessori

One of my favorite educators of all time is Maria Montessori.  I love her thoughts, her ideas and her love for children.  I was first interested in her when I heard of Montessori private schools many years ago.  I wanted to have money to send my kids to a Montessori school, but of course was never given the blessing of wealth.  Or maybe it's a blessing that I didn't have any money.  I began researching many Montessori books when my oldest was a little boy, never fully intending to homeschool, but I wanted a Montessori home.

I watched a movie about Maria Montessori and was further inspired.  She loved children and believed that they all have greatness within them and it is up to their caregivers to inspire and lead them along helping them find that greatness that they are already born with.
She  believed in quiet and meaningful activities that apply to real life.  I love this idea.

I've further been researching her ideas and trying to implement them into my home.  One book that I recently read is called Montessori,  The Science Behind The Genius.  I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in alternative free education.  She believes that kids should be left alone to themselves to learn, of course being provided with materials and inspiring teachers.  She also believed that children desire order and beauty.  This book is great, because it validates her findings with research.  It's always nice to have research to back up your beliefs. Amazingly, an interesting read.  I truly believe that she was inspired.  One last thing that I learned from her is that we need to expose our kids to beautiful music, art, nature....All these things are things that even young children desire and can naturally recognize.  What a great person she was.  I'm grateful for her research and findings.

The Tuttle Twins Learn About The Law by Connor Boyack

We read these books tonight with our great lawyer Dad.  We learned about the law for Family Home Evening and my husband read this to us.  It was an interesting book with lots of thought provoking ideas about freedom and standing up for freedoms.

It is about some 9 year old twins that interview their neighbor for a report at school.  Their neighbor goes on telling them about The Law.  Their neighbor tells them that we all have rights and need to protect those rights.  He explains that he serves others because he wants to not because he is forced to.  This book goes on to tell that when the government forces you to do something they are violating your rights.  A very good book to explain to kids about freedom and protecting our rights.  Definately keeping this for our family library.

The Knights of The Right by M'Lin Rowly

Please Mommy, read us more....  What Mom doesn't love to hear this from their kids.  My kids have loved these books especially my 6 year old.  My oldest has read all of them twice.   I have loved reading them to my kids.  Even though they do talk about some heavy issues like drugs and what not.  It's about some kids who meet with King Arthur to earn different pieces of armor when they make good choices.  These books instigated so many discussions about not cheating, telling the truth, not taking prescription medications and many more things.  My kids really loved these and So did I.  I'm glad that we came across these books at Deseret Book.  The best of all is that they were written by a high school student.  Definately, inspirational.